Home And Garden Articles

Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home – Now What?

Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home – Now What?

Laura anxiously anticipates the return of her husband Dan. What will it be like and what should she do? After all, he is not returning from a successful business trip or golf weekend. He is coming back from war. Should she arrange a romantic just-for-the-two-of-us event or a family reunion? This is the first homecoming experience in their young marriage. It has been over a year since Dan left. Little Maja was born 3 months ago and Dan has yet to meet his new baby girl. Laura, once shy, dependent and overweight turned into self-reliant and confident woman. She had joined the gym, lost weight and signed up for computer classes. Even though Laura had missed Dan terribly, she adapted to being a military wife. They had kept each other up to date through e-mail and phone calls. Dan will be surprised to find how much has changed since he left.

How do you deal with the challenges of homecoming? Relax and accept that homecoming can be difficult. In getting ready for the big day, put your own needs aside and help your spouse reconnect with the life he or she left behind. The real challenge is life after deployment. Historically those fighting in combat have a much greater likelihood of relationship break-ups than their civilian counter-parts. Depending on how devastating the war experience has been, your soldier may not be the same person that you saw off. Your spouse could have witnesses others including children or comrades die. He or she may have been forced to kill in the line of duty! While your soldier may not share all of these experiences with you, listen with empathy if he or she does. Even though your life was clouded with fear during deployment, don't compete for the most wounded heart. After the big homecoming, you might be anxious to get on with life as a couple, but find each other at different junctures. Returning from a country at war, every day life may now seem trivial to your spouse. He or she may suffer from post-war trauma or guilt.

Here are the two of you trying to pick up where you left off. This is the critical point where military couples set the stage for a spiral breakdown or deeper love. How do you prevent your relationship from becoming a divorce statistic? Simply be what people in exceptional relationships are: Fit 2 Love! Do what people in exceptional relationships do: Become better for each other every day! By following the 3 principles of being fit to love: mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity you can turn your relationship into a solid anchor. Here is what these principles mean: Mutual Respect: Exercise true mutual respect instead of self-serving respect. In real terms this means your partner is just as important as you are. Respect how your homecoming soldier feels. He or she has gone through a life-changing phase while serving, an experience the two of you did not share. Cherish the new person that has emerged. Accept his or her altered perspective on life and be open to learn from it.

Moral Responsibility: You are always morally responsible to your partner. Everything you think, say or do affects your partner. Sometimes you even have to think of your partner first. Yes, you are responsible for each other's well-being. Be kind, loving and understanding. Allow for time to heal the wounds. Be sensitive and encouraging when you help your partner get on with life. It is your job to be an anchor.

Authenticity: Be you! Create and be the best of you. Be better for each other. Be honest about your own feelings, but don't blame each other if your relationship is going through change. It could also be a change for the better. Depending on how you react, crisis like these are often the kick-start for more authentic and more solid relationships. Take your cues from your heart, for it will never betray you.

Think back when you wholeheartedly committed to your partner. Did you commit to respect and be morally responsible to each other? Did you commit to be the best you could be for each other? Sure you did and now you have a chance to do all that and do it better. While your soldier's homecoming will definitely fill your heart with happiness, the months after can be very stressful.

Here are some tips to make military love stronger:

· Don't be anxious to get back to everyday life
· Allow for re-adjustment
· Become acquainted again
· Respect the different person he or she may have become
· Don't try to make up for lost time
· Accept that things may be different
· Don't have unrealistic expectations
· Talk to each other openly and listen with empathy
· Don't be surprised if your sex life is uneasy at first
· If you have children be open and reassuring
· Spend quality time with your partner and as a family
· Don't be controlling or manipulative
· Learn to make decisions together again
· Keep the faith; you need each other more than ever.

© June 2004 Allie Ochs, Relationship Expert, Coach, Speaker and Author of: "Are You Fit To Love? A Radically Different Approach To Successful Relationships" Website: www.Fit2Love.com E-mail: allie@fit2love.com

Allie Ochs is a speaker, relationship coach and author of: Are You Fit To Love? Her book has received the honorable mention at the USA 2004 Best Book Awards. She has appeared on TV, Radio and is published in numerous magazines and newsletters. Visit her website http://www.fit2love.com and take the Fit 2 Love test.

Other Article Sites

findabook.com  moneycd.info  a-mortgage.info   about-lemon-laws.info  aboutstudentloans.info
all-about-publishing.info  auctions-articles.info  bestcollege-university.com  bestispconnection.com
biblefolder.com  blogger-website.com  books-used.info  brokers-guide.info  buywindows.info  cable-dsl.info
career-miner.com  carpel-tunnel.info  cashinaflash.info  cashloanreviews.info  casinobell.com  chat-house.info
clearmycredit.info  collegeloantips.info  crones.info  depression-articles.info   dirnic.net  dishguides.info
divers-below.com  expodog.info   financewizz.com  fire-insurance.info  getgood.info  handleit.net   it-idea.info
health-supplies.info  hosting-right.com  insidealert.com  insurance-facts.info  jobs-employment.info
justgood.info  lookgold.net   lowcost-travel.info  money-source.info  myhostzone.info  numisblog.com
peoplesearchfinder.info  pr-articles.info  realeas.com   refinancing-guides.info  spyware-remove.info
telelot.info  the-law.info   toppaid.info  travel-deals.info  travelcorrect.com  wedding-guide-site.com
your-blog.info  your-credit.info

MORE ARTICLES:

5 Most Popular Flowers for Your Garden
When planting a garden there are many questions which you must ask yourself before you begin. Where are you going to plant it, do you have the garden equipment to do so and how big do you want your garden to be? When do flowers bloom and what are their heights? These are all very important questions, however they mean very little if you have not yet decided which types of flowers you want to plant.

How to Choose the Right Bulbs for Your Spring Flower Garden
Choosing the right bulbs involves more than just selecting colors and cultivars. Timing, bulb size, and most importantly, bulb health are equally significant factors in designing your spring garden.

Wild Flower Garden - Make Amends...Your Plants Will Love It
A wild flower garden, just like any garden you wish to plant, requires good quality soil that will meet the needs of the plants you put in it. That means that your garden soil may need some amendment.

Flowers That Beautify Your Home and Garden
To help gardeners choose flowers, various systems for rating hardiness have been developed. A plant is considered hardy in a region if it can grow and thrive there without requiring special protective measures such as insulating with straw mulch.

In Bloom: Manbury Home and Garden Accessories Unearths Garden Delights for Gorgeous Homes
Manbury Home and Garden Accessories now features a variety of attractive, practical garden solutions at www.manbury.nl, where consumers can peruse and purchase a variety of garden tools and accessories.

Fall Garden Chores for Spring Flowering Bulbs
As the school busses begin to rumble down the road again we are reminded that the gardening season is drawing to a close. For the gardener with an eye toward next spring, however, the season still promises plenty to be done in preparation of a showy spring to come.

Edible Flowers in Your Garden
Flowers can be an integral part of cooking. While most of us are aware that violets can be candied and nasturtiums can be eaten in salads, there's a bounty of flower varieties that are both edible and delicious.

Exotic Flowers: Luxurious and Impressive for Your Home and Garden Decor
There are several types of exotic flowers to best suit any occasion. And of course, depending on your personal taste, you will want to choose the best exotic flowers you can obtain to be the perfect flowers, the most adequate for the purpose they will be serving. For example: at someone?s funeral, you may want to choose bouquet of flowers that the deceased would have loved. Here are some other examples (after all, these flowers are for happy occasions as well as the more tragic ones.

Wild Flower Garden - Yours to Design and Plan
To design a wild flower garden, you do not need to be a specialist or an artist, you just need to be observant and let your creative juices flow. Look around you, what is unique about your surroundings? Do you wish to enhance or compliment these things.

Converting a Weed Garden to a Manageable Flower Garden
Recently I must have had sucker tattooed on my forehead because just when I thought my summer gardening season was winding down into a nice relaxed not hard labor kind of fall a friend baited me into a conversation about their landscaping and the outcome was I ended up helping them redesign a garden

Town & Country Conservatories Designs Custom English Skylight for Rockefeller Center's Flower & Garden Show
EnglishSkylights.com, a division of Town & Country Conservatories designs and builds a custom conservatory-inspired skylight for Rockefeller Center's annual Flower & Garden Show.

Wild Flower Garden - Plan to Plant
In the previous article I discussed design for your new wild flower garden. The next stage is planning the planting.

Enhance Your Flower Garden With Garden Edging
So, you've got your flower garden set up You've planted the flowers, some perennials here, a few annuals there

Flowering Field Farm of NJ Announces Association with Garden Spot Structures
Flowering Field Farm has announced a new business relationship with Garden Spot Structures of Lancaster County, Pa. The NJ farm is located on Highway 34, just south of the Holmdel border and Route 520. Garden Spot Structures of Leola, Pa. has been delivering fine, Amish-crafted structures for 30 years.